dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
