it wasn't lemon gatorade
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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