he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
