He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
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