like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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