Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
