rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You're like the curious george of whores
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
