Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
