Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
