Already got asked if we're dating
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
