Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
