Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
