Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You ruined the universe
Randomize
