my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
