ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
