I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
