So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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