I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
