from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
