i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
