I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
