If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
