Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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