i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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