she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
