Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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