I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
