So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
