drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
