I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
