it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
