i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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