Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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