NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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