Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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