I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
