the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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