Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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