So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
