Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
