she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
