I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
