Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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