Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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