I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
