I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
