3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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