either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
