just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
