i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
