She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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