your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
