I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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