She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
