I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
