woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
