I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
