She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The power of my boobs compel you
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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