His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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