I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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