My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize