if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
